Pokémon Abridged
by AceZackary
Summary: My own wacked up crazy version of the Pokémon anime. Let's speedrun this thing. (Also I am aware that script format is banned, changing all the chapters formats is difficult and I will try in the future to change them into the correct format. Sorry once again.)
1. 001

**The following is a non-profit, fan-base parody.**

**Pokémon is owned by Tokyo TV, Game Freak, and Satoshi Tajiri.**

**Please support the official release.**

****_ALSO I AM AWARE THAT SCRIPT WRITING IS BANNED. IT COMPLETELY SLIPPED MY MIND. BUT I'VE ALREADY POSTED THESE CHAPTERS IN SCRIPT FORMAT AND I'M NOT MOTIVATED TO UPDATE THEM IN THE RIGHT FORMAT._****

BEEP BEEP*

Ash: Oh Shuppet! I overslept!

Delia: Run, mother Furfrou, RUNNNN!

Oak's Lab:

Ash: Give me a god Diglet Pokémon.

Oak: Well Ash, you were just too slow.

Sonic: *triggered*

Oak: But there is 1 Pokémon. But it's kinda a handle full-

Ash: Gimme.

Oak: You don't even want to know what is is?

Ash: I said gimme.

Oak: You got problems kid.

Ash: Look old man. I KNOW what you've been doing to my mother! So give me that dang Pokémon, or you're exposed.

Oak: FINE FINE! Take it!

Oak gives Ash a Pokémon*

Ash: COOL. Oh wait it's a rat.

Pikachu: Well you're desperate.

Ash: Wow. You talk.

Pikachu: Shut up and get into the van.

Later*

Ash: *Pant pant*

Pikachu: What were you doing?

Ash: I was getting banged up.

Pikachu: Ew! You're only ten!

Ash: No, my rival was attacking me. What were you thinking?

Pikachu: Shut up and get going.

Even later*

Ash: Whoa. It's a Digimon!

Pikachu: You are really stupid aren't you.

Ash: I'm gonna throw a rock at it.

Pikachu: No don't do tha-

Ash already threw the rock*

Ash: I think it's angry.

Pikachu: Okay I have 2 options. Leave the kid behind and save myself, or save the useless kid.

Ash: You know I can hear you right?

Pikachu: SEE YA LATER B*TCH!

Pikachu ran away*

Ash: Wait, but what about the Digimon?

The Spearow comes back with its flock*

Ash: Pikachu there coming back.

Ash called but no one came*

Ash turned around to the Spearow.*

Ash: Any chance you want to be friends?

Spearow used peck at eyes!*

It's Super Effective!*

Ash fainted*

Spearow gain all allowance!"

Ace (me): Where did this come from...


	2. 002

**The following is a non-profit, fan-base parody that PARODY'S the anime and us players AND gets worse and worse with each passing episode...read at your own risk**

**Pokémon is owned by Tokyo TV, Game Freak, and Satoshi Tajiri.**

**Please support the official release.**

****_ALSO I AM AWARE THAT SCRIPT WRITING IS BANNED. IT COMPLETELY SLIPPED MY MIND. BUT I'VE ALREADY POSTED THESE CHAPTERS IN SCRIPT FORMAT AND I'M NOT MOTIVATED TO UPDATE THEM IN THE RIGHT FORMAT._****

Ash: Ugh where am I?

Pikachu: The Pokemon Center

Ash: But I'm a human...

Pikachu: Hospitals cost too much.

Ash: B-but what happened?

Pikachu: After all those Spearow knocked you out you landed in a river, a girl fished you up, tried to eat you, and out of the goodness of my heart I brought you here.

Ash: Oh, thank you Pika-

Pikachu: Also I own you.

Ash: ...

Ash: What

*Red-Headed Girl runs into PokeCenter*

Misty: WHERE'S MY DINNER I'M STARVING

Pikachu: Oh god, get into your Pokeball

Ash: Wait I have a Pokeba- AHH

*Ash enters his Pokeball*

Misty: HAVE. YOU. SEEN. MY. DINNER.

Pikachu: Unfortunately no psycho lady.

Misty: THEN SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF MY WAY.

*Ash and Pikachu leave PokeCenter*

Ash: I feel like there was something for us to do back there...

Pikachu: What makes you say that.

*PokeCenter blows up*

Ash and Pikachu: Meh.

*Team Rocket lands in front of Ash and Pikachu*

Jessie: WHERE WERE YOU TWO! WE BLEW UP THE WHOLE CENTER TO FIND YOU?!

James: EVER HEARD OF STICKING TO THE SCRIPT!

Pikachu: Listen, it's called Abridged for a reason. We gotta keep things speedy. Ash should be losing the league by now.

Ash: Wait what.

Meowth: Fight us you non-continual c*

Ash: WOAH THERE DUDE

Pikachu: Yea chill man. No need for the language. We'll battle. Ash I choose you.

Ash: No Pikachu, I'm supposed to choose you.

Pikachu: I told you I own you now.

Ash: But but, I can't fight!

Pikachu: Can you aim?

Ash: I guess.

Pikachu: Great. Here you go.

*Pikachu hands Ash a gun*

Ash: Huh?! Who, what, when, where, why, and how?!

Pikachu: Less talky talky, more shooty shooty.

James: Don't worry. He won't pull the trigger...

*gunshot*

Jessie: OH NO MEOWTH

Pikachu: Great. Another dead cat on the street. Take care of the rest so it doesn't get suspicious.

Ash: I don't know Pikachu, sounds kinda harsh..

Pikachu: ARE YOU DISOBEYING YOUR MASTER?!

Ash: NO PIKACHU-DONO YAMATE

*more gunshots*

Pikachu: Mmmm. Yes. More.

Ash: They're DEAD. Team Rocket is DEAD.

Pikachu: You've mastered your move gun! We're gonna speedrun this thing.

Ash: Will I learn any other moves?

Pikachu: No. This is the only move you need. This is how we beat gyms. THIS is how we win the league!

Ash: By killing people?

Pikachu: Precisely! Now come on, I gotta pump some drugs into you.

*misty secretly following*

Misty: He looks like a really good snacc. Can't wait to roast him alive.

Ace: These are seriously getting worse aren't they...


	3. 003

(the 3rd episode that no one asked for, but I gave anyway... don't question me)

**The following is a non-profit, fan-base parody that PARODY'S the anime and us players AND gets worse and worse with each passing episode...read at your own risk**

**Pokémon is owned by Tokyo TV, Game Freak, and Satoshi Tajiri.**

**Please support the official release.**

****_ALSO I AM AWARE THAT SCRIPT WRITING IS BANNED. IT COMPLETELY SLIPPED MY MIND. BUT I'VE ALREADY POSTED THESE CHAPTERS IN SCRIPT FORMAT AND I'M NOT MOTIVATED TO UPDATE THEM IN THE RIGHT FORMAT._****

Pikachu: Damn girl give me the boy!

Misty: No he's mine! I fished him!

Pikachu: We're in a f*king forest, how are you gonna cook him.

Misty: I'll eat him RAW.

Ash: This is probably the only time 2 living things will fight over me.

Pikachu: Ash! Stop talking and use GUN!

Ash: I kinda left it over by that tree over there.

Pikachu: Dammit we need more PP!

Ash: I still have my PP, lemme pull it out.

Pikachu: Ew no. Stop.

Misty: I wanna see it.

Pikachu: No Ash don't do it!

*Ash put his hand in his pants and pulled out... some PokePuffs*

Ash: Look! PP!

Misty: Ooo.

*Misty eats*

Misty: Nom Nom.

Misty: I'm full.

Pikachu: So you won't eat the boy?

Misty: Oh I will. Just not now.

Pikachu: Alright Ash, let's catch some Pokemon.

Ash: But how. I only have 1 move that insta-kills.

Pikachu: Idgaf figure it out.

Ash: Hey Misty.

Misty: Um my food doesn't talk.

Ash: Uh right. But I'm not talking. We're having a, er, telepathic conversation.

Misty: Eh. E for Effort.

Ash: Listen do you have any Pokemon?

Misty: Yea I did.

Ash: Did?

Misty: Yea. I ate them.

Ash: Oh. Can you give me Pokeballs at least?

Misty: No I ate them.

Ash: Is there anything you don't eat?

Misty: It's the art of survival.

Ash: Man how am I supposed to catch Pokemon now?!

Misty: Why don't you use your own balls?

Ash: Excuse me.

Misty: You know, the male genit-

*Ash walked away*

Misty: Doesn't matter, I'm still gonna eat them.

Pikachu: Ash it's evening and if you don't catch a Pokemon I'm gonna lock you up in the PC.

Ash: Oh man. What am I gonna do?!

Misty: I told you to use your balls.

Ash: MISTY MY BALLS DON'T WORK LIKE THAT!

Misty: Really? Can you show me how then ( ͡ ͜ʖ ͡)

Ash: ARGGG

Caterpie: Cater.

Pikachu: Oh hey it's a bug. Squish it.

Misty: No! Bugs are our friends.

Pikachu: Wow we really don't stick to the script.

Ash: _Maybe I can catch this bug_

Pikachu: So how are you gonna catch this bug?

Ash: Huh?! You heard that?!

Pikachu: Talking in italics doesn't change that you're still talking.

Ash: Sigh.

Pikachu: You don't say sigh. You actually sigh.

Ash: I'm just going to ignore you can catch this Pokemon.

*Ash began chasing the Caterpie*

Ash: Annnnd I gotchu!

ASH LEARNED GRAB!

Pikachu: Nice job Ash! Now, on the fire. I'm hungry.

Ash: B-But I worked so hard...

Misty: Unless you want me to eat you now, you better put that worm on the fire.

Ash: It's a CATERPILLAR and fine.

Misty: Good, cause I wanna save you until you're ripe

Pikachu: Mmm. The tail was good.

Misty: And the head was just simply exquisite

Ash: The antennae tasted horrible.

Pikachu: Well yea. It's poison. It does use it to fend off enemies.

Ash: WHAT! I'M POISONED?! QUICK POKEMON CENTER

Pikachu: We don't have time. Relax as long as you don't move you'll be fine.

Ash: But how we will continue on our journey?

Pikachu: As long as you don't move. Bye beach.

Ash: Noo Pikachu stay! Misty please! I'll let you eat me!

Misty: That is promising. I do want to know how your balls work anyway.

Pikachu: Yea, I'm gonna leave you kinky freaks. Have fun being "eaten" Ash.

Misty: Alright. Let's undress you. It's hard to digest clothes.

Ash: Wait no! I change my mind! Pikachu! Pikachu! Help me! NOOOO!

Ace: It got worse... it got way worse... *shudders*


	4. 003 (extra scene)

**_(Extra scene? Idk why not. Just killing time here)_**

**_The following is a non-profit, fan-base parody that _****_PARODY'S the anime and us players AND gets worse and worse with each passing episode...read at your own risk_**

**_Pokémon is owned by Tokyo TV, Game Freak, and Satoshi Tajiri._**

**_Please support the official release._**

* * *

After Pikachu left

"So Ash. How do you like to be cooked?" Misty asked innocently.

"Uhm" Ash mumbled.

"We've got a few options. Roasted, Microwaved, Baked, Fried, Salted." Misty listed.

Ash gave his input. "Well for starters we're in a forest so roasted may be your best bet."

Misty gasped. "Food that cute and smart? Hell I might as well date you. But marrying food is kinda weird."

"Not as weird as cannibalism?" Ash asked.

"Cannibalism solves world hunger and overpopulation." Misty informed.

"Hey, why do you eat so much? Don't you get fat?"

"I think you mean thicc." She corrected.

Ash went along with it. "Uh yea sure."

"And I don't. I have this condition where no matter how much time passes, I still look the same." Misty said.

Ash gasped. "What a coincidence! Me too!"

"Wow we have a lot in common."

"That's just one thing though"

"Wanna be friends?" The girl asked out of the blue.

Ash smirked. It was his chance. "Only if you don't eat me."

"Gah! How can you be so cruel."

Ash sighed. "Sorry if I don't wanna get 'eaten.'"

Misty sighed too. "Alright fine..."

Ash felt relieved. "He wasn't gonna be anyone's snack tonight. So is this whole "eating" just a hoax to get people to be your friend?"

Misty gave out a laugh. "No I actually eat people. How did you think I became gym leader? I ate my sisters. I had to barf them up so we could bury them."

Ash was now very frightened at the orange-haired girl.

Misty punched Ash's shoulder. "But now that we're friends, I don't _have _to eat you. hehe!"

Ash blushed a little. "Stop looking cute like that. You're actually scaring me."

"That's kinda the point."

"So can you untie me now?" Ash asked. He was eager to continue his journey.

Misty smiled. "I don't back down from my word."

Ash panicked a little. "But _you _said you won't eat me!"

"Not in that way I won't. There's still other ways." Misty licked her lips. "Now like I said, pants are hard to digest."

Ash yelled out in fear. "Arceus NO! MOM! I WANT MY MOM! PICK ME UP PLEASE I'M SCARED." 

* * *

**I'm sorry. Truly.**


	5. 004

**_(Episode 4 here we are. How'd we make it this far? Idk let's just get on with this)_**

**_The following is a non-profit, fan-base parody that _****_PARODY'S the anime and us players AND gets worse and worse with each passing episode...read at your own risk_**

**_Pokémon is owned by Tokyo TV, Game Freak, and Satoshi Tajiri._**

**_Please support the official release._**

**_ALSO I AM AWARE THAT SCRIPT WRITING IS BANNED. IT COMPLETELY SLIPPED MY MIND. BUT I'VE ALREADY POSTED THESE CHAPTERS IN SCRIPT FORMAT AND I'M NOT MOTIVATED TO UPDATE THEM IN THE RIGHT FORMAT._**

Pikachu: Where have you sinners been? We're wasting precious abridged time!

Ash: Goodbye sweet sweet childhood.

Misty: Ash is pretty tasty. 10/10 would try again.

Ash: Please don't.

Pikachu: Alright Ash, reload that gun. We're heading towards Pewter City.

Ash: *reloads* Sigh

Misty: I'm hungry.

Pikachu: Shut up.

Ash: Wait a minute. What about the samurai?

Pikachu: Let's just say we won't be hungry tonight.

Misty: Woohoo! Nice going Pikachu!

Ash: Oh Arceus save us.

Misty: Ooo what's that!

*Giant glowing bird flying above them*

Ash: Woah! It's Ho-Oh!

Pikachu: Oh I guess we skipped over that part. Ash use Gun.

Ash: Wait. But it's Ho-Oh! HO-OH!

Pikachu: Wait. But I don't care. With that thing, we'll have food for days.

Misty: Kill it kill it kill it!

Ash: *sheds tear* Bye Ho-Oh. I'll miss you.

Pikachu: I won't

*gunshot*

**Minutes Later**

Pikachu: Alright! Pewter City! Let's get that gym!

Misty: You two go ahead. I'll find a room with a nice bed for me and Ash.

Ash: Please say someone heard that.

Pikachu: I did. But I choose not to do anything about it.

*Misty leaves*

Pikachu: Alright. Ready?

Ash: I wanna die.

Pikachu: That's the spirit!

**Inside Pewter City Gym**

Pikachu: Fite us

Brock: No

Pikachu: X and Y is the worst Pokemon anime

Brock: You signed a death wish.

Pikachu: Okay! Ash use Gun!

Ash: Help me

*gunshot*

Pikachu: Sweet we won.

Brock: Actually... no.

Pikachu: Y-You dodged the bullet?

Brock: Wasn't that hard. He's horrible with a gun.

Ash: That hurt.

Brock: Not as much as this.

*Teleports and punches Ash in the gut*

Ash: You were right. That did hurt.

***Ash fainted***

***Brock gained Pokemon Shipping stories***

Brock: Hey, this is some good stuff. Aww what? Negaishipping. I mean it's not the worst. It's just that if it's not Amourshipping it won't get as much views.

Pikachu: Ahem. Can we leave now?

Brock: Nah, I'm calling the cops.

Pikachu: Aww sh- *tries ti run*

Brock: *teleports*

Pikachu: What ARE you?!

Brock: The world's strongest man. I did 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, 100 squats, and 10km running EVERY SINGLE DAY!

Pikachu: Oh great. Now all you have to be is bald and you're perfect.

Officer Jenny: That's great but no. Pikachu, for you're abusiveness of a trainer, you're under arrest.

Pikachu: Poopsicles.

Officer Jenny: Ash Ketchum, for your countless murders and- well yeah murders, you're also under arrest.

Ash: mhmhm.

Officer Jenny: Good thing you caught them.

Brock: Wait. There should a girl character.

Officer Jenny: Want me to go get her?

Brock: Nah, I'm about to turn this from PokeShipping to GymShipping.

Officer Jenny: **0_0 -_- 0_0** Okay then.


	6. 005

**_(Number 5... Wow. No words.)_**

**_The following is a non-profit, fan-base parody that _****_PARODY'S the anime and us players AND gets worse and worse with each passing episode...read at your own risk_**

**_Pokémon is owned by Tokyo TV, Game Freak, and Satoshi Tajiri._**

**_Please support the official release._**

**_**_ALSO I AM AWARE THAT SCRIPT WRITING IS BANNED. IT COMPLETELY SLIPPED MY MIND. BUT I'VE ALREADY POSTED THESE CHAPTERS IN SCRIPT FORMAT AND I'M NOT MOTIVATED TO UPDATE THEM IN THE RIGHT FORMAT._**_**

_Last time, our favorite and too innocent trainer, Ash Ketchum, suffered his first gym loss. And is spending the rest of his life in jail._  
_Along with his sadistic Pikachu._

*Misty runs to Ash and Pikachu's cell*

Misty: Found you I win!

Ash: We weren't playing hide and seek.

Misty: Well not anymore. I won.

Ash: And what happened to you?

Misty: Well first there was this big strong man! And then he grabbed me and... actually I have a video.

Pikachu: Please no.

Misty: I said I was going to eat him, but instead he ate ME!

Ash: What a twist!

Pikachu: Ugh. Please say you're here to break us out.

Misty: Well yeah. Can't let my food rot in a jail cell.

Ash: Thanks Mist!

Misty: Also what's your favorite condiment?

Ash: Uh. Mustard I guess. Why?

Misty: No reason.

Pikachu: So how are you gonna get us out?

Misty: The only way I know how.

Pikachu: You're gonna eat us out?

Misty: Yes I'm gonna way you out.

*Misty begins chewing*

Ash: Mist. Do you eve get constipated?

Misty: Yes actually. All the time.

Pikachu: This conversation isn't needed.

Misty: That's why I have the special yogurt.

Ash: And what does it do?

Pikachu: Ash seriously.

Misty: Helps me go poop! You should feed it to me sometime.

Ash: I mean anything to help a friend.

Pikachu: You two are really disgusting. Like I can't.

*Misty finishes eating the iron bars*

Pikachu: Sweet we're free. Alright Ash, back to the gym.

Ash: But Pikachu, we cant beat Brock. He's superhuman.

Pikachu: Hmm. He seemed to like fanfiction. Yeah. All we have to do is give hm some fanfiction to read!

Ash: I can't read.

Misty: I can't write.

Pikachu: Perfect! You two work together. Misty no eating Ash at any time.

Misty: You're no fun.

Pikachu: I got a date in 10 minutes so yeah cya.

Ash: Pikachu, I didn't know you were the settling down with a family type

Pikachu: Oh no I'm not. I'm taking all her money and leaving her with the kids.

Ash: Oh uh. Uhm.

Pikachu: Hilarious am I right.

Ash: Yeah uh. Kinda sounds like...what my dad did... *starts crying*

-Silence-

Pikachu: Sh*t. You ruined the mood Ash Ketchum. Great job.

Ash: *still crying* S-Sorry...SORRY I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU DAD!

Misty: Ash are you having daddy problems? Wanna talk about it? I'll buy you some food.

Ash: Yes I would like that actually.

Pikachu: Ok then. Timeskip.

**2 Hours Later**

Pikachu: Alright it's time! Got the fanfiction?

Misty: Yup! It's an Ash Betrayed story!

Pikachu: Great! We should get lots of views with this! People love to see a main character betrayed by all his friends and family and is only supported by his lover which will be the ship of the story.

Ash: Pikachu you destroyed the 4th wall.

**Pewter Gym**

Brock: Why are you back.

Pikachu: We have a compromise... Like our story, we get badge. Don't like our story, we're used for your activities.

Ash: Wait I don't remember agreeing to this.

Pikachu: Seriously? It was on the contract you signed.

Brock: Alright gimme.

*Brock reads*

Ash: I wish I could read like him...

Misty: I wish he could eat me again. Cause Ketchum here won't.

Ash: Huh.

Misty: You're so f*cking dense you know that.

*Brock finishes reading*

Brock: That was amazing. I give all my votes. Liked, followed, everything. Here's the badge.

*Throws badge at speed of sound*

Pikachu: FRICK DODGE!

Brock: Sorry don't know my own strength sometimes.

**ASH OBTAINED THE BOULDER BADGE!**

Brock: I don't particularly like the shipping you chose, but the lemon was spot on.

Pikachu: What! You guys put a lemon?!

Ash: I just wrote everything Misty told me! Please I'm innocent!

Misty: Heh.

-Silence-

Ash: Well uh. I guess we get going?

Pikachu: Yea I guess.

*Leaves Pewter City*

*Brock Follows*

Pikachu: Why?

Brock: Forgive me, it's just that your story... was TOO GOOD! I WANT TO LEARN MORE FROM YOU.

Pikachu: I like the sound of this, another human for me to abuse.

Brock: I am not your pet.

Pikachu: Who says?

Brock: :(

Ash: Uh Pikachu. I think it's best not to anger the man who can crush our skulls in less an a second.

Pikachu: That's actually smart. You're growing in level Ash. Before you know it, you'll evolve.

Ash: Ooo.

Pikachu: But I'm gonna buy an everstone to make sure that never happens.

Ash: Oh...

*The four continue to walk*

Misty: Ya know, this feels like a mid-season finale or something.

Ash: Like the end of an arc?

Misty: Well yea, we finally have all the companions.

Ash: That is true, I've watched enough anime to know that next episode is the beginning of the next arc.

Brock: Actually there should be some filler coming up.

Pikachu: Poopsicles. Well Cerulean City here we come.

Ash: Hm. No quirky or messed up joke at the end huh?

Pikachu: So Ash, whatchu getting for your dad this Father's Day

Ash: I hate you Pikachu.

**Ace (me): I've planned every episode up until they reach Johto. I guess this will stay around for a while.**


	7. 005 (extra scene)

**_(Episode 5.9? Why do I even do this)_**

**_The following is a non-profit, fan-base parody that _****_PARODY'S the anime and us players AND gets worse and worse with each passing episode...read at your own risk_**

**_Pokémon is owned by Tokyo TV, Game Freak, and Satoshi Tajiri._**

**_Please support the official release._**

**_**_ALSO I AM AWARE THAT SCRIPT WRITING IS BANNED. IT COMPLETELY SLIPPED MY MIND. BUT I'VE ALREADY POSTED THESE CHAPTERS IN SCRIPT FORMAT AND I'M NOT MOTIVATED TO UPDATE THEM IN THE RIGHT FORMAT._**_**

**The group is in a Pokemon Center, Brock is the only one awake...**

Brock: Oh hey! Didn't see you there.

Brock: Yeah you, the reader. It's me Brock.

Brock: What am I doing, well you've caught me reading this fan fiction once again. I can't get enough of it... Here I'll read you some. Gotta say, it has a crazy start.

It's the end of the Alolan League and Ash has come home with yet another loss. This makes what? 7 losses? Pathetic piece of crap.

"Hey, I can hear you ya know," Ash spoke the narrator. He was quite annoyed, but he knows he'll always find comfort with his friends.

Ash opens the door to his house and sees all his companions. "Hey guys!" He exclaimed with excitement. "Crazy league huh? Don't worry, I'll get them next year!"

"Ash honey," Delia, Ash's mother said she walked up to her son.

"Yeah Mom? You're getting kinda close-"

In an instant, Delia smacked Ash across the face. Hard. It left a red mark on his face.

"Ash, we all f**king hate you leave this household."

Before you knew it, he was disowned and kicked out of his own house. That's a yikes for me.

"Well at least I have you Pikachu..." Ash said with some hope.

"Pika." Pikachu said flipping Ash off. He ran inside where it was warm.

Ash was heartbroken. How can anyone put him through this? Do people enjoy this type of stuff? Watching people suffer? Ash sulked as he walked the path to Viridian City.

When he got to the Pokemon Center, he didn't have enough money for a room, so he laid on the nearby couch.

"Ash?" a voice said.

"I know I'm a failure so leave me alone." Ash moaned and plopped his face into a pillow.

"Ash get up. It's me Angie."

Ash looked up at Angie with a confused look.

"Ya know. Sinnoh, that camp thing, blue hair I guess." She said. "I didn't expect you to remember."

Ash planted his face back into the pillow.

"Yeah well what do you want from me?"

"Well I saw your recent Alolan League battle and-"

Ash let out a long moan interrupting Angie. This lasted for a maximum of 5 minutes. After he was done Angie continued.

"I just want you to know I'll always be here. No matter what." Angie replied.

There was a bit of silence.

"Really?" Ash questioned.

"Really." Angie certified.

Ash got up from the couch feeling pumped. "Great! Now that I have my motivational love interest, I shall make the most OP team and come back to prove everyone wrong."

"Now that's the spirit!" Angie said. They both walked out of the Pokemon Center.

**10 YEARS LATER - THE POKEMON WORLD LEAGUE**

"Up next we have a mysterious new trainer going by the name of Satoshi? Weird. Thought we were all localized." The announcer said.

Satoshi walked onto the battle field with a cloak covering his face. His opponent, none other than one of his friends who had betrayed him. (Uhh let's make it Serena for sheets and giggles.)

Serena revealed her Pokemon. "Go Pikachu!" That's right. That same Pikachu that had been by Satoshi's side in the beginning.

Satoshi gave a little chuckle, which turned into a crazy laugh of some sorts.

"Uh. You okay?" Serena asked.

"Oh I'm more than okay..." Satoshi replied. "Go Arceus."

"Wait did he just say fricking Arceus-"

That's right. Somehow Satoshi had gotten ownership of the God of Pokemon. How the hell did he do that? I don't know maybe like, Arceus saw Ash's betrayal and was like I give you ultimate power. Look it was either this or some Aura Guardian plot.

Anyway, Arceus appeared on stage and was ready to kill his creation. In which he did. Pikachu was dead. Well not completely dead. Almost though.

"Yeesh! Okay Satoshi is the winner. Holy..." The announcer said in awe and fear. Mostly fear.

"W-Who is this Satoshi?" Delia said.

"He's hot." Misty said.

"You haven't even seen him." Dawn replied.

Then, as if he had just heard that comment, Satoshi removed his cloak and was revealed to be Ash Ketchum. Yup, what a twist.

Everyone in the stands were surprised.

"Ash?! You mean the one we betrayed?!" May exclaimed.

"Yes. It's me Ash Ketchum. Although I have been reborn into Satoshi. Cause that name is cooler." Ash/Satoshi said. "Now to dominate this league."

He looked towards his mom and flipped her off.

He looked towards his dying Pikachu and flipped him off.

In fact he essentially did that to everyone. Yeah he had the right too but still kinda rude. Especially to that random Bug Catcher. Not enough justice for those guys.

Anyway Ash won the league. No need really writing all those battles. This is abridged anyway.

And so after the league, everyone tried apologizing and praising Ash/Satoshi, but he didn't take any of it. He only cared for one person now, his girlfriend Angie.

Afterwards Ash/Satoshi proposed and it was actually really sweet. That is until what Angie said after she said yes.

"Let's go make bebe."

Brock: Hey guys. From now on this is a lemon. Essentially the best part about the whole book.

Ace (me): No.

Brock: No?

Ace (me): I do not write lemons. Maybe some other crazy stuff like this, but not a fricking lemon. That's where I cross the line.

Brock: You're no fun.

Ace (me): I'm just thinking long term before my boss finds this account one day.

Brock: Well regardless you're losing your job.

Ace (me): Ugh quiet. No lemon.

Brock: Alright fine, we'll skip it.

Ace (me): Good. Let that be a lesson to you readers, I don't do lemons.

9 months later, Ash/Satoshi and Angie had their first child they named Mariel. Sounds like a good enough name.

Also Ash/Satoshi is world champion and all that. Happy ending of course.

One day Mariel got curious on how her father rose to fame.

"Papa, how'd you rise to fame." Mariel asked innocently.

"I'm gonna ignore the fact that you can talk when you're less than 2 months old, and sure I'll tell you. It all started one day where a got I got an abusive Pikachu, met a girl who ate everything, and the most powerful man on the Earth." Ash/Satoshi started.

Brock: Wait. That's us? Is this the end of Pokemon Abridged?!

Ace (me): It was until you pointed out, now you changed the future. You guys will now have wacky, pointless adventures forever.

Brock: Dammit.

**Ace (me): Well that was a dozy to write...**


	8. 006

**_(Here's number 6. Phew. Writing these takes no skill at all.)_**

**_The following is a non-profit, fan-base parody that _****_PARODY'S the anime and us players AND gets worse and worse with each passing episode...read at your own risk_**

**_Pokémon is owned by Tokyo TV, Game Freak, and Satoshi Tajiri._**

**_Please support the official release._**

**_**_ALSO I AM AWARE THAT SCRIPT WRITING IS BANNED. IT COMPLETELY SLIPPED MY MIND. BUT I'VE ALREADY POSTED THESE CHAPTERS IN SCRIPT FORMAT AND I'M NOT MOTIVATED TO UPDATE THEM IN THE RIGHT FORMAT._**_**

**_**_BEGINNING WITH THE NEXT CHAPTER, IT WILL BE MADE IN THE CORRECT FORMAT_**_**

Pikachu: Frick how did we get lost?! Ash are you reading that map correctly?!

Ash: Pikachu why did you even give me the map, I can't read.

Pikachu: Ash, the map is pictures, PICTURES!

Ash: Hey! Reading pictures are just as hard as words.

Brock: Some real dumbasses we got here huh?

Misty: Yeah.

Pikachu: Did you ever go to school?!

Ash: *starts to cry* Ever since my dad left-

Pikachu: No! Not again.

Misty: Hey look at that, it's a school.

Brock: It's Pokemon Technical Institute!

Pikachu: Oh no. I wanted to skip this episode... But Ash you really need the learning. Ash I'm enrolling you in school.

Ash: Gasp! High School Anime time?!

Misty: Yes! My dream to become a High School Anime girl has come true!

Pikachu: You guys aren't the age for high school.

Brock: Who cares honestly. Make sure you two get into real awkward situations! I'm gonna record every episode!

Pikachu: Misty, make sure Ash gets smarter! Don't come out until you do.

Misty: Looks like we're gonna be in high school for a long time Ash.

**First Day of Pokemon Technical Institute**

Misty: Where's Ash... He's gonna be late.

*Ash runs into class with toast in his mouth*

Ash: I love this.

Teacher: SIT DOWN YOU DISGRACEFUL F**K! YOU GEN Z C**TS ALL HORRIBLE AND DISRESPECTFUL!

Ash: Hm. Not completely wrong.

Joe: Ash... just please sit down. You know how teach gets.

Ash: I know I know Joe. So what type of high school anime is this? Do we have to kill the teacher, or we're all magical, or it's a har-

Giselle: Hey Ash let's mate.

Ash: Or harem. That's another one.

Misty: Uhm excuse me lady, but Ash is mine.

Giselle: Says who.

Misty: Says not you.

Teacher: CAN YOU SHUT UP I'M TEACHING!

Ash, Joe, Misty, Giselle: Can we use the bathroom?

Teacher: LEAVE AND NEVER COME BACK.

**At the school yard**

Misty: Me.

Giselle: Me.

May: Me.

Giselle: Ahem, does it _look _like we're in Hoenn.

May: Oh shut up.

Joe: Man Ash, how do you always get the girls?

Ash: I don't know Joe. But right now I'm supposed to be dense as frick.

Joe: Right right. See you tomorrow I guess.

Ash: Yeah.

*Starts to downpour*

Misty: Crap. I don't have an umbrella.

Giselle: Me either.

May: Or me. Yeah me too.

Ash: I have one. Oh I know how this is going.

Misty, Giselle, May: Take me home please!

Ash: You know, I'm not complaining.

**Ash's home**

Ash: Phew that was complicated.

Delia: Uh Ash? Back from your journey already?

Ash: Shh Mom. Was there a girl connected to my childhood.

Delia: Oh yea that Misty girl. She always ate your toys.

Ash: I guess that's the paring.

Delia: But you did make a promise with a girl that you'd marry them. I don't remember which.

Ash: Seems like it's time for a romance mystery that'll involve plentiful of wacky antics between me and the females!

Delia: Oh no I remember it was Misty.

Ash: You're making this no fun Mom.

Delia: Eh. It's all non-canon anyway.

**Back at School**

Ash: I choose Misty.

Misty: Yay.

Giselle: Aw.

Ash: Giselle you get Joe.

Joe: Heck yeah!

Giselle: Sure I guess.

Ash: May, you're not supposed to be here.

May: Shut up it's non-canon anyway.

Ash: Anyway, now can we focus on our studies?

Giselle: Actually Ash, now that you've revealed your soulmate, you are the chosen won who has to save all of humanity using your love and secret powers you never knew you had.

Ash: I- Sigh. Let's speed through this I guess.

**After plenty of action and funny romance scenes later**

Ash: It's over villain! I have friends and loved ones beside me! I can't lose. It's over for you!

Villain: I guess you win.

Ash: Huh?

Villain: Please man. We already know you're gonna win. Just don't, it'll hurt a lot.

Ash: But the build-up...

Villain: Please.

Giselle: Don't give in Ash!

Misty: Ash don't! Don't be stupid!

Ash: Is this even high school anymore?!

Joe: Not really. That's more of a side plot now.

Ash: I did not sign up for this. Here Joe you can finish this. I'm going back to my canon timeline. Mist, you're free to come too.

Misty: Well, it sure was fun. See ya.

*Ash and Misty leave*

Giselle: Well then. Joe finish it! You'll get a spin-off!

Joe: YES!

**Back with Pikachu and Brock**

Brock: Sub is superior in every way possible.

Pikachu: I know that some dubs are sh*t but still! I like to watch something in _my _language

Brock: YOU'RE NOT A TRUE FAN

Pikachu: I'M JUST AS TRUE AS YOU ARE

Ash: I watch sub and dub.

Pikachu: Oh you guys are back. How'd it go?

Misty: It went from High School antics to saving the world, pretty normal.

Pikachu: Did Ash learn anything at all?

Misty: No.

Ash: What does it matter, this episode is non-canon anyway.

Brock: And non-canon immediately equals bad and if you like it you're bad.

Pikachu: You have such a one-track mind it hurts.

Misty: I guess our relationship is over huh?

Ash: I guess.

Pikachu: Great, let's get back to the canon stuff shall we?

Brock: That we shall, cause canon is all people care about.

Pikachu: I can't even argue with that. Sad.

**Ace (me): I spend too much time on this**


End file.
